Tuesday, October 23, 2012

A Note from Apt #111

Hello. My English is not the best, but I've learned to become proficient in conversation and also in baby talk since these foreigners moved in a few years back. No one ever tells my story, they just prance around and are forever taking pictures of the smallest creature. I don't understand the appeal with the small creatures--since they tend to be the most destructive.

This month has been unusually busy for me. Let's start in my kitchen. The woman allowed a pot of boiling soup to overflow on my left burner. Not just a little. A lot. So much that now the burner doesn't work properly. It used to be the best burner of the two, and now it's the worst. If you turn on the gas, there is a small explosion of flames. It has been comical watching eyebrows getting singed. 

Can I help that my humor drifts in that direction? 
It can be boring being a cement and all. 

It's getting cold outside. After a few weeks of settling, my floor boards have finally stopped creaking with such mighty sounds. I fear that it shows my age, as I settle in for the winter, no apartment, no matter how plain, wants to be caught creaking that loud. My goodness. 

Because of the cold, the foreigners are excited for my radiators to turn on. But that doesn't happen until November 1. Haha. These foreigners! They had the complex's heating repair men come over and empty my radiators of sludgy water. It does feel great to purge of grime and soot. They hope that this will help the heat circulate better when the cold strikes my city. I couldn't help but notice the worry as my country men told the foreigners that this emptying process might lead to floods once the radiators are switched on next week. Although I can't wish them any good, I also don't wish them any bad. So, let's just hope that the sludge stays in my radiators and there's no flooding. 

The maintenance men who came to drain the radiators were an interesting bunch. They sat on the couch and watched "Tangled" for the first fifteen minutes. They also hocked some massive spit balls while indoors. They dumped the sludge down the toilet. It's how we do it here. 

The best lark of October has been that my washing machine finally bit the dust. It's been a few years in coming. It frequently floods the laundry room, doesn't spin well (sometimes not at all). It would take 3+ days for the wet laundry to dry since the washing machine was so inefficient when it came to spinning. These are the little things that give me character and personality as an apartment. It's also entertaining to watch everyone slip in the laundry room when they are unaware of a flood. 

But alas, those entertainment have come to a close. The new washer arrived on Friday, and was installed on Sunday. It works like a dream, so it's hard to hold a grudge against it. 

In the process, my hot water heater was unplugged. The foreigners, silly people, didn't notice this until after they gave their small creature a cool bath. Then the large one took a freezing shower. Of course, hot water is a luxury. They should be reminded of this intermittently, as is my duty as a good apartment. 

Besides the burner that sputters and shoots flames spontaneously, the refrigerator is my one last right to entertainment. Three times a day, a button must be pressed on the refrigerator if it is too stay operational. Watching them go through this ritual gives me pleasure. But the best is when they forget to press the button before retiring for the evening, and an alarm sounds in the middle of the night. Ah. That is true life and oh-so-entertaining. 

Finally, I've heard talk of repainting my walls. And goodness, it is time for some of that treatment. I've never been in more need of a face lift (except for that time that demon puppy wall paper decorated one room). My paint is crumbling/cracking/smudging right off my bare concrete walls. 

In the meantime, I'll continue to act as a cooler, barely insulating against the outdoor temperatures. If there is one thing I do well, it's reminding people that heat is a luxury, not a convenience, and that it is a privilege never to be taken for granted. 

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