On Being Bi-Racial

Looking at these pictures makes me miss warm weather. It wasn't too long ago--but now we already have had snow. These are the only pictures I've seen from that photo shoot so far--I hope the others show a more happy Willow. She looks pretty concerned in some of the pictures. 

One correction regarding my first post about Willow's little modeling adventure (which you can find here). I mentioned that bi-racial is termed as 'half-blood' in Mandarin (which makes me think of the half blood prince in Harry Potter). I've since learned that I was wrong and wanted to amend the error. The term is actually translated as 'mixed-blood'. 

I'm not sure how mixed blood, bi-racial, or half-blood rank in the hierarchy of political correctness. When I think about it, they all carry potential degrees of inherent offense--at least to me. Why I find them all offensive is that  Growing up as a mixed child, I quickly came to the belief that it doesn't matter if your parents look alike or not. Their outward appearance has nothing to do with their inward compatibility. 

I dislike thinking about the issue in terms of blood. Why are people convinced that those with different ethnic backgrounds have such 'different' blood? I mean, on the genetic level, of course there are minute differences. But really, we're all people, and the thought pattern that our blood is different based on culture or region has always seemed wrong to me. It's not like my dad was an apple and my mom was an orange. They're both apples. 

In America, people accepted my bi-racial background for the most part. In America, I'm an "American". I did not experience out right discrimination, and was blessed to have many bi-racial friends. To me, be an American is to be bi-racial. Or something like that anyway.....it's common to see different cultures joining in marriage and starting families. I think it's part of God's desire for the world too. To love others, not just those who look like you. 

In China, things are a little different for me. 

To our Korean students and friends here, I am note a pure breed. For the most part, I know they accept me, but it's hard not to feel judged. Because I know they do it. They have a scale by which they measure all Koreans: "How Korean Are You?" It's part of the culture--they've had to survive invasion after invasion; and maintaining their definition of true-Korean is the reason they have been able to keep their national identity so strong....and pure.....I don't blame them. 

To Chinese--I'm a novelty. Especially because my mom is white. Although, I was doing some fact checking, and apparently Korean men more often marry Caucasian women, compared to Caucasian men marrying Korean women. Still....they find it unusual here. They are also really appreciative towards mixed blood children. They think they are beautiful and intelligent--all because the blood is ethnically diverse.  

 Being bi-racial means that you will never completely fit in with any one people group, except other bi-racial individuals. You are neither this nor that. You are somewhere in between. 

Sometimes, I'm like, 'what the heck, everyone is mixed.' Most people I know don't even realize their complete heritage--but if they do it's like, "i'm 1/16 this, and 1/8 this, and I have lots of English, Irish, French, German in me too". And I've heard lots of, "Oh, I'm a mutt". 

It's crazy to think that until 1967, it was still illegal for Asians to marry Caucasians in many, many US states. 

It didn't take long to get tired of the frequent question. If my life were a website, I would definitely include a FAQ about my ethnic background. That would be so much nicer than having to reiterate the same answers over and over again. 

Many of my earliest memories involve conversations about my race. When I moved to China, I thought, "good, now the questions will end". I can blend in with other Asians and actually fit in for once." Sorry! Wrong again. The questions have only intensified. I have to talk about my heritage everyday in China.  After living in an area that was mostly-Caucasian demographically, I thought the reason people asked all the time was because I didn't look Caucasian. After living in Asia for 4 years, I've learned that I don't look Asian either.  

American [polite] Version of Ethnic Background Check

"If you don't mind me asking, what are you?" 

"Excuse me?"

"Where are your parents from?" 

"Illinois"

"No, I mean, really where are they from?"

"My mom is from Minnesota and my dad grew up in Chicago"

"No, I mean, you look so interesting, what is your culture?" 

"Um....probably would call it mid-western American"

"Ok, I"m not trying to be rude, but I'm just curious. What is your ethnic heritage?" 

"Oh...that...I'm half-Norwegian, basically".

"No, I'm talking about the other half" 

"Oh, you mean the Korean half" 

"Korean! That makes sense. I would never have guessed that." 

"I know" 

 Chinese Version of Ethnic Background Check

[strange look, usually involved double or triple takes] "You are not Chinese" 

"Yes"

"Where are you from?"

 "America"

"No....where are you from?" 

"My mom is American and my dad is Korean"

"Oh, your mom is American and your dad is Korean?! That is unusual" 

"I know" 

[by the way, this conversation happens all the time. It's one of the first things I asked my tutor to teach me how to communicate. With taxi drivers, water delivery guys, street sweepers....everyone asks]

I am proud of who I am. I'm proud of my parents too (just so you two don't feel like I'm mad at you) for being counter-cultural (especially within the Korean culture). But it is exhausting to constantly be reminded of it. I would like to live my life not obsessed with how my face is not fully Asian yet Korean at the same time. I want to think of myself in other terms. Not half-this-half-that combinations. To my siblings: do you feel the same way? I never asked you before.....

I've been asked every possible way. Some people are timid. Many are bold. Others are rude. But mostly people are just curious. My least favorite is when complete strangers (or those I have just met), come up to me and ask, "So, what are you?" I want to replay, "A person". Not a thing. Not a novelty. Not an abomination. There are definitely more polite ways to approach a person about their ethnic background.  Can you blame me for being exhausted of the same conversation?  I would never approach a complete stranger to ask them 'what' they are--but maybe that's because it's happens to me a lot. 

I do not feel like a white American. But I can't identify completely with Koreans or Chinese because of culture, language, and even prejudice. I neither look Caucasian nor enjoy tofu. It has only served to remind me that I was not made for this world. We were not created to find superficial fulfillment in fitting in. We were meant for something far greater; a home where acceptance is unconditional and not based on human notions of blood or the alleged 'mixing' of it. Right now, I'm a half-Korean, living in China, and am not fully plugged in with America...... 

It can be confusing---but I like it that way. 

It helps me to remember that although I've yet to arrive, heaven is my true home. 

Ok, this half-baked post has not gone the direction that I wanted to go. I had planned on talking about the weather. I know. So exciting.

Obviously, there's no scientific research here. 

I'm just spewing out a lifetime of opinions. 

Sometimes I wonder how Willow will be different from me. She has a different story. She's a lot of European and a little Korean. But she doesn't look European. And she doesn't look Korean. People already ask the questions about her. Instead of just explaining about Adam and I, people also want to know about her grandparents. She will have a lot more questions to answer in the future. 

 Willow's China Version

"That girl is cute. Is she your daughter?" 

"Yes"

"Really?! She doesn't look like you. What nationality is her father?"

"An American"

"And what are you?"

"American"

"No you aren't" 

"Yes, I'm American. But my dad is Korean"

"Oh....Korean! So, she is 1/4 Korean." 

"Yes, she's American"

It wont be long before she starts to realize what we're talking about. I'm sure she'll be tired of the topic by the time she's five years old. I know I was. I hope she learns a lot from her heritage and all her inspiring grandparents, great grandparents, and so forth. 

I hope she is not embittered or hindered because of it. 

I hope she learns to appreciate the questions, just as much as the answer---just as I am learning to. 

Tradition + Characters = Eternal Truth

You may know that the written language of Mandarin uses characters, and not letters, to communicate words and ideas. I've heard that you need to know at least 2,000 characters just to be able to read a simple newspaper. There are thousands more that should be studied in order to be considered well-educated. There is little phonics to be learned when studying characters. It's mostly memorization and repetition that helps to learn and understand characters. Those that have a deeper understanding of the characters, and why they mean what they do, amaze me. I was speaking with one such amazing person the other day. She wrote down some information for me, and I just had to share it.

The first thing you should know about these pictures is that they are traditional Chinese characters. Meaning, most of China does not use these anymore, and only those who live in Hong Kong or are interested in studying traditional characters on their own would have any knowledge of them. In recent decades, traditional characters have been replaced by the simplified versions--which in most cases, are much simpler to read and write. However, the rich history connected with the evolution of Chinese characters is sometimes lost in the simplified version. In ancient times, characters sprouted as a form of written language in Asia--and many of the characters resembled the thing which they represented. A form of pictographs. Ancient versions of graphics and typography. As the centuries unfolded, the characters changed as well. It's similar in some regards to the formalizing of spelling and definitions in the English language. Characters became more standard and functional, and in some ways--less like pictures. This is my very primitive understanding, of what has been communicated to me by several Chinese friends, of how characters have evolved. But if you look it up, there are sometimes dozens and dozens of examples of how one character has changed throughout history. It's neat to see the earliest version and compare it to what is used today. Sometimes there are still similarities, and sometimes you would never know it was the same word unless you saw the progression.

So, the first thing you should know is that these are traditional characters (not in usage in mainland China). The second thing is that characters are composed of radicals. It's similar to how English words are composed of letters. But it is a little more complicated than that. Each little section of a character is its own radical with its own meaning. If you know the meanings of the radicals, you can guess at what unknown characters mean based on the radicals that compose them. It's a type of "phonics". It has nothing to do with sounds, rather it is about meanings. So, the following pictures and stories are of traditional characters (that can be traced by centuries in history, or at least forms of these characters), that have been pulled apart (radical by radical) to show an interesting interpretation. Of course, I can't take credit for knowing any of this, since I am no expert in Chinese. I've had people explain other characters to me before, but these were really interesting and I didn't want to forget them.

Looooong explanation..........sorry!

Here we go!

This is a simple one. I noticed this when I first learned the character a few years ago. It's the character for "hao" which means "good". It's used in many phrases and is a common descriptive word. In fact, we live in "San Hao Jie" (literally, Third Good Street). The first half of the character (on the left), is actually a separate word when its by itself. It means 'girl'. The right half of the 'hao' character is a radical that when standing on its own means, 'boy'. So, if you put the girl and the boy together, it means 'good'. Cute!

Now it starts to get interesting. This character is for 'righteousness', (yi). Take the two portions (the top half and the bottom half) and they can actually be two separate characters with their own meanings (if separated). The top half means, 'sheep', and the bottom half means 'I' or 'me'. Thus, the Lamb is our righteousness.

Here is the character that means 'complete' or 'finish' (wan). Let's look at the bottom half first. It is composed of several features. The first being the two horizontal lines, which is how you write the number two. The very bottom is how you write the character for 'people'. And if you put those two radicals together, it means 'first' or 'garden'. Now, the top portion of the character, if written separately, carries the meaning of "home". So, if you put it together: first + home = complete. I was told that perhaps this is a link back to the beginning days, when the VERY first home, was in a garden, and there were two people placed in it; and it was COMPLETE. Probably some interesting eternal truths that could be taken from this.

Here is the traditional character for 'yuan', which holds the meaning for 'garden'. There are several components to this character as well, and if separated, hold their own individual meanings. First, there is the top portion (inside the box), that looks like a cross standing on a line. This is the character for 'dust'. Underneath that is a small square--which is the character for 'mouth' or 'breath'. Underneath that is a character that looks something like the English letter, K--which means 'two persons'. The box the encloses all the other radicals indicates the meaning for 'enclosure'. All together, these markings create the character for 'garden'. I was told that this rings true of a story, once again from those very early days. Days when a man was breathed into life from dust, when two people were placed in a safe place, an 'enclosure' that was prepared especially for them. A perfect place, a garden. I was also told that the pronunciation sounds something like the word, "Eden". Interesting.

Next up is the word 'chuan'. Translated, it means 'boat' or 'ship'.

On the left side is a radical which by itself form a separate character--when by itself, it means 'vessel'. On the top right, is the radical which stands for the number 'eight'. Below that is a small square which means, 'mouth'. Using your powers of inference, if there are eight mouths, there must be eight PEOPLE. Where are these people? On a vessel. Eight people on a vessel? Somehow this idea birth the character for the word used to describe a ship or a boat. Sounds familiar....sounds like eight people of heard of in history who obeyed a seemingly foolish command to build a boat. Even when it had never rained before. Whenever we see a rainbow, we are to remember a certain promise. Eight people in a vessel = boat. It's very interesting to wonder HOW China knew about this centuries ago. The power of spoken words, rhetoric, oral tales! It's interesting to speculate the story moving from village to village, across time, over the Silk Road...



Right away, I recognized the top portion of this character. All together, these marking for the traditional character which means 'forbidden' or 'to warn' ('jin'). The top half is actually two parts which mean the same thing, 'tree'. When you put two 'tree' characters together, it becomes plural ('two trees' or 'trees'). On a side note, when you put three of these ('lin') characters together, it means "forest". Fascinating! Anyway, here you have two trees. The bottom is the character in the abbreviated form for 'God'. Thus, two trees + a supreme being = forbidden/to warn. That should bring another tale to mind.



Almost done! Thanks for bearing with me on this long post. I also apologize for being a little vague at times, but it's due to 1) my vast ignorance on this subject, and 2) I'm a little nervous. Next is the traditional character for 'create' (zao). If broken up into it's basic components, the characters for 'speak', 'dust/mud', 'life', and 'walk' can be found. Speak something (or someone) from the dust into life and to walk with. Hmmmmm....Another familiar story.


Finally, here is the character for 'tempter' ('mo'). There are lots of little pieces in this one, so I'll just tell you what they are: 'secret', 'man', 'garden', 'alive'. If you put all those radicals together, it forms the character for 'devil' (gui). There's more! Above the character for 'devil', there are the familiar looking 'two trees'. Around these two portions is the radical which means 'cover'. A man, alive in the garden. He has a secret. Something to keep hidden. He fashions a covering for himself and his wife. They have disobeyed, and taken from the tree they were forbidden to eat from. They were tempted by the devil. Once again, this character, altogether, means "tempter". So interesting!


~julie

Xiao Xin

The title literally means, "little heart", but is translated as "careful". Willow, you need to be careful. The same day that this picture was taken, Willow pulled herself up using the table, reached up as high as she could, and grabbed her dad's dinner plate and threw it onto the floor. Fortunately, our plates our plastic (thanks, China), and Adam had already finished eating--so no one was hurt and nothing was damaged. I had forgotten to tell Adam about her new 'trick'. Now we have to be extra vigilant about our tables and counter tops, making sure nothing dangerous is in reach.

Be careful, little heart.

~julie

The Eyebrow Girl

Or maybe Cinderella? Keep reading to find out!

So, like all my posts seem to be saying lately, Willow is growing so much! Her eyebrows too...I wonder what will become of those eyebrows in the next few years--they are just massive on her baby face! But, she makes them cute and dolls them up a lot, as if she knows that she has these crazy eyebrows with which she can make lots of different expressions. I think that I can do half of the things that she can do with her eyebrows.


She's also in love with her fingers. She loves to suck on her hands all the time, and I'm a little worried her hands are getting the rough side of the bargain since she's chomping on them with her two little teeth.


Something I just figured out is how much she also likes to bite on her burp cloths. I don't know what it is about those burp cloths--maybe because they've always been an arms length away from her for the past three months--but she loves them.



I love it when she is this tired and this calm. She's so precious! It's like she's too tired to make a fuss about it, and would rather just sit there until her eyes close and she drifts to sleep. I wish this was how every night worked out! :)



"Look at me, dad! I'm wearing my leopard print mini skirt to fellowship! What do you think?"


This picture was taken last Sunday, and she's gotten even better at sitting up since then. She needs a little support, but her balance is improving on a daily basis.


Working on her head control during tummy time. She's improved a lot in this area over the past month. She doesn't scream so much anymore and has built up a little stamina.


Last Sunday was the first time that she put her hands down and held herself up with her arms, however! Yay, Willow!


She held herself up like this for about a minute and just looked around in bewilderment. I think she shocked herself with her strength.



"Sometimes it's so hard to stay awake at night--I don't know what I want more....to eat or to sleep."

Friends of ours in Shenyang are lending this bumbo seat to Willow. She's a little unsure about her new get-up though. Take it easy, Willow!


She mostly looks at her feet while sitting in this chair. She's fascinated by her cute little feet and really likes to stare at the chicks on her socks.


It's starting to cool down here. In our first floor, cement walled/floored/ceilinged apartment, it stays chilly. Mornings and evenings are cool as we wait another two weeks for the heat to get turned on by the government.


I think they share an eyebrow resemblance...

Willow's Chinese name now has a fun story. I'm not sure what the characters look like as of right now, but I will figure it out soon. Willow tree in Mandarin is "liu shu". Rose in Mandarin is something with the word "mei" (which means flower). So, our Chinese friend told us that we should name Willow, "Liu Mei". We could choose which kind of 'mei' we wanted to use though. There are different tones in Mandarin which usually alter the meaning of the word. It might sound the same to foreigners, but little changes in the pitch of the word can totally change the meaning. Well, there are a few different meanings for the word 'mei', depending on how you say it. Sometimes, however, words are pronounced the same but can have different spellings--or characters--much like homophones in English. So, one meaning for 'mei' can be for flower, but it is also used in part of the word for eyebrow. Apparently, there is a Chinese word to talk about the flowers that grow on the Willow trees--Liu Mei--because it looks like the trees have eyebrows. Actually, the pronunciations of Liu Mei (Willow tree with the eyebrows) and Liu Mei (willow flower/rose) are the same...but the characters are different.

We decided to choose the characters where 'mei' is talking about eyebrows. It is fitting for our Willow because she has such crazy expressive eyebrows! Our friend was happy about this because he said it is a very fanciful name--like being named after a fairy tale. Apparently there is a famous fairy-tale type story written in China a few decades ago where the protagonist is a girl name Liu Mei (like the eyebrow). I asked him if this was like being named Cinderella....and he said yes! So, Willow has quite a unique name in English--but also an unusual name in Mandarin. A willow tree with a flower that's like an eyebrow....also like being named Cinderella. Oh my!

Sometime I'll have to explain some of the reasons why I really like Willow's name and the verse that goes along with it.

~julie

Han4 Zi4

Chinese Characters

So, today in my Chinese lesson, my tutor and I started talking about the word "xin". It has two meanings: letter (i.e. mail); and to believe or trust in. I thought it was really cool how the same word used for believing or trusting in also means the piece of paper that you send in the mail. Assuming that "belief" was the first meaning of the word and "letter" came later on, it helps me to remember the different meanings of the word. Because in my mind, when you send a letter, you trust that it will arrive to its destination....But wait! It gets better.

We were specifically looking at the radicals within the character for "xin". The first radical is for "person/man". The second radical is for "words". On an obvious level, people write words onto paper and give them to others: men use words to write letters. In addition, my teacher and I thought it was really neat that when you trust a man's words, belief is the result. Also, we trust in the Son of Man's words and believe them to be true. Furthermore, the ultimate letter, from the ultimate "Man" is contained in a 66 volume book that we believe and trust in today after thousands of years.

These fun little "AHA!" moments when connections are made keep me curious and make me want to learn more Putonghua, instead of give up.

Chinese characters are tough...but they are also fascinating, beautiful, and full of insight.


I took this picture in Paris almost eleven months ago. I wish that there were cafes lining the streets in Shenyang. China has many advantages--but I do miss English libraries and large English book stores with espresso machines, jazz, and clearance rows. Right now, I'm almost ashamed to admit it, I'm reading "The DaVinci Code" just because there's nothing else to read! :)

~Julie