Perfection

It could be this elimination diet we're on right now (more on that later), but when I typed the title, "perfection", the first thing that popped into my mind was "confection". I would like some sweet confections, yes please. Thank you very much. How considerate of you. 

Sorry, Noah. You're birthday post is so not starting the right way. 

Here are some pictures that I took of Noah on his actual birthday. Hey. I'm glad he's wearing clothes. My originally intent, however, was for him to be in this cute little four piece suit that I bought for him. Complete with a four inch clip-on tie. 

It's still in a suit case. 

I literally had three minutes to take these pictures. If these pictures had audio, then they would be video clips. No…I mean, if these pictures had audio, you would hear Willow and me screaming at each other the whole time. 

"Willow! Get off the chair! I need to take a picture of just Noah because it's his birthday today!" 
"No, Mom!!! Take a picture of me too!" 
"Later, Willow" 
"Now, Mom!" 
….Noah: continues to chew on toy. 

Dear Noah, 
On your first birthday, we had only been in China a day and a half. We were still terribly jet lagged. We forgot to give you birthday presents. We slept a lot. We didn't eat dinner. We ate instant noodles in the middle of the night. We tried to order McDonalds, but apparently they had no chicken or beef because there was some scandal with selling expired meat in China. Since we didn't want to eat a "fish burger", we ate spicy ramen instead. Dearest little boy, I love you tremendously. If you see any goodness in our love, it is because of Jesus. When we make mistakes, I hope that those instances will turn you towards God's perfect and unconditional love. And I hope, with the deepest of hopes, that you will love your Creator above all else. 
Happy first birthday, buddy! 

Noah is 24 pounds (50-70 percentile). He's 30 inches tall (50 percentile). He's running, climbing, walking backwards, dancing like crazy, singing, speaking (mom, dad, Willow, ball, dog, hi, hello, bye bye, that, baby), eating table food, uninterested in baby-food, loves to play outside, obsessed with animals/balls/dolls/cars/stroller rides/iPads/phones/food, loves to give kisses and hugs, sleeps through the night (finally!), enjoys playing with Willow, and likes to be around other children. Noah is definitely a people-pleaser and a very happy little man. He likes to look at books, listen to music, and look out the window. His main bane at the moment is biting. When he's angry, hungry, excited, or jealous--he bites people! He is very entertaining with his copy-cat ways--he enjoys observing someone's action and trying to replicate it (talking on the phone, hammering nails, playing peekaboo). While we were in America, he enjoyed all the rides he received on the farm. He likes to swing, pet dogs, and eat ice cream. The biggest temper tantrums usually involve food, and not being allowed to partake in said food…such as Starbucks frappecinos. 

Noah has been 1 for one week. I'm not too late in this post, right? I feel like a bad mom today because I was distracted again. It is very easy for me to get wrapped up in whatever activity occupies my interest at the moment.I want to share a portion of a blog post written by Alyssa Welch on resolved2worship.xanga.com. This blog is no longer online, but I have kept this excerpt saved on my computer to remind me that my life is not about being a mom. Being a mom is not a job, though it often feels like a dauntless marathon. When I focus only on being a 'good mom', I often fall short of my true purpose in life: to worship and obey God. Ironically, when I lose sight of my identity in Christ, I lose the ability to be anything that resembles a 'good mom'. As I was trying to help Noah take a nap today, I desperately wished for a reboot button.  I'm tired of living on the edge of frustration and feeling like my self-control is in shreds. Here's what Alyssa Welch wrote: 

“It's frightful not to live, consumed with that which isn't lasting. Don't miss out because you think everything has to happen perfectly, or on time, or when and how you think it should happen.

Life isn't measured by whether you pursued all your dreams and made them happen. It's not measured by what you did that made you feel successful. It's not measured by talent or ability. Or by a blog, business, beauty, or babies. I don't want to follow a generation of mothers who idealize perfection when it comes to motherhood. There is a huge relief and healing that comes when I let go; let go of perfection, expectations, or measurements I've put on myself possibly by comparison with other mothers.

Let go and find balance; bravery to feel undone, unmade, un-accomplished. Then always, my eyes are opened more to what is important because I am less distracted with making everything happen just right.” –Alyssa Welch

I wish that I had more of her posts saved, because she has encouraged me greatly through her posts over the years. I want to let go of my idea of perfection, my desire to control, my longing to be have a spotless image. These things are nothing. 

So, in line with giving up perfection, here comes a confession: because we didn't have any plans for Noah's birthday on his actual birthday, we decided to let him eat a chocolate instead. So Adam gave him his first candy bar. How's that for perfection?

While I fully acknowledge that I am not a perfect mom, being Noah's mom is the closest thing to perfection I've ever felt. What a privilege and honor to spend time with Noah Silas Johnson. He may grow up to be a heart breaker, goodness knows he's already broken mine in a million little ways.

This Noah look. He kills me! I'm just in love with his chubby face and big brown eyes. Never change, Noah. But also, I need you to grow up. I don't know how to wrestle these emotions!

What is perfection anyway? Is perfection having two messy, noisy kids that drive you crazy? Perhaps. I think God meets me in this chaotic cacophony and reveals a little more of what real love is. I fail, but He prevails. I stumble, but He remains. I sin against others and Him, yet He forgives me. I forget how to live in grace and in love, but He is faithful . And in the heart of a child, in the eyes of an infant, in the ache of a mother's heart--you find a sort of perfection, because you catch a glimpse of what God created us for. It was for love that He made us.

Perfection is in the center of God's will for your life. Whatever it is that you do, do it as if you serving the Lord. Worship the Lord. Obey His commands. This is His perfect plan.

Willow did a pretty good job 'reading' this book to Noah. I hadn't realized she knew the plot to this story, since she never pays attention when I read it. I guess I was wrong!

At this point in Noah's short picture session, you can see the exhaustion on his face. I don't know if he is tired due to jet lag or Willow and mom arguing about who gets to be in the pictures.

Leaf a Thumbprint!

Here is a simple craft/memory piece we made for Willow's first birthday. The final picture that ought to be included in this post is of the finished tree on display in a frame. 

Could not have done this without Brad. He has rendered a whole lot of different kinds of trees. He uses them for his different architecture projects, of which I am completely ignorant of and therefore cannot even begin to explain in this sentence. Anyway, he let me choose a tree in his program---I think he actually drew this tree--and then he made it the appropriate size and printed it for me. 

Meanwhile, I bought a few ink pads. Then, at Willow's birthday parties, we tried to have everyone place their thumbprint and name on the tree--making lots of colorful 'leaves'. I don't think we were able to get everyone's thumbprints, but we were able to collect the majority! 

We even captured Willow's-not-so-little thumb print!

American Bucket List

I love lists. America needed a list. With less than three weeks to split between two families, and Willow's first birthday--we needed to make sure that we did as much as possible with the time we had. 

Naturally, we have a few categories. 

People to visit
Food to eat
Stuff to buy 

Things to do

We wanted to spend time with our families, of course. We got to eat lunch (at Panang! Oh! How I missed that place and their delicious noodles) with Victoria and Daniel, as they prepared to make the move from Germany to Africa. We got to see Lylli's baby bump and laugh at Wil's funny stories. We got to visit with Katie after work. I got to hang out with Kristin, Denise, Chelsey, Emily, Mary, Nicole, and many others too! Adam wanted to hang out with his life long pal, Mike. They headed out to Buffalo Wild Wings--which was like killing two birds with one stone!

Daniel, Victoria, and us at Panang! 

Now it's the end-ish of August, so it's hard to remember the beginning of July, but here are some things we did. Short-hand style.

• Panang with the Meade's 
• Applebee's with the Kangs 
• Panera with Katie and Emma 
• Pizza Hut with Denise 
• 
  

• Hair cut at my Aunt's salon 
• Willow's 1 year vaccinations at the county clinic ($10 per shot) 
• Willow's first pool experience 
• Ate at some delicious Mexican restaurants 
• Went out with Erica, Tim, and Katie 
• Lincoln Park Zoo with friends and family 
• Watched Little Women recording with the Kangs 

Emma and Willow at the 4th of July party 

Last day with Harabogee 

Visit with Luke who was working at a Wisconsin camp

• Traditional dinner at the Minnie Monese Golf Course with the Johnsons + Hannah 
• Chipotle Date 
• Toys r Us for Willow 
• Ate lots of favorite foods like sweet corn, salmon, homemade pizza, and steak
• Gained ten pounds 
• Willow's first tractor and atv rides 
• Lots of Starbucks runs for white chocolate mochas 
• Visited with Erica who flew in from out of town 
• Visited with my dad who flew in from out of town 

Lincoln Park Zoo, family photo

• Olive Garden Date
• Many Breakfast's at Grandma V's during jet lag 
• Target shopping for needed supplies 
• Shopping at a few malls for clothes and shoes
• Adam got to mow the sod field (first time in three years) 

Dressed up for dinner at the Golf Course

• Bought an iHome for our home 
• Bought a new iPod for Adam 
• Fed Willow lots of avocados, sweet corn, blueberries and raspberries 
• Red Lobster with the Johnsons
• Buffalo Wild Wings (Adam and Mike) 
• Heinz's 4th of July party 
• Willow's birthday breakfast
• Willow's birthday party at the Johnsons 
• Chinese buffet with Hannah, Erica, and Grandma and Grandpa Johnson

Husking sweet corn 

Eating sweet corn 

Mostly, it was a wonderful break from school and work. We loved seeing everyone that we did, eating too much great food/dessert, and celebrating Willow's first birthday in her birth country. It was an amazing trip--thank you all who hosted us, fed us, cleaned up after us, and gave us a break! Willow was spoiled beyond belief by all her doting family members, and we appreciated all the free child care! Thank you!

Here's to life back on the other side.

One Year

Willow Rose Johnson 

July 8, 2011 

7 lbs. 7 oz. 

20 inches 

A long overdue post about Willow's development--now that's she almost 13 months and all--life has been busy! 

These are the perfect pictures to express our quintessential Willow.
Diva. Spoiled. Sweet. Camera-Ready. 

I also realize that this is more of a record for me than anyone else. I wont be offended if you skim through and just look at the pictures. I look forward to looking back at my online journal/scrap book in the future years and reminiscing about the little Willow. 

Physically: 

• Walking much more confidently now--which means she is trying her best to run. Still trips on uneven surfaces and sometimes loses her balance. 
• Still a climber 
• Feet were measured as 'extra wide' 
• Teething --at least four coming in the bottom (which makes 12 teeth altogether!) 
• Fine motor development improving as she dismantles and destroys more possessions every day. Trying to put these skills towards creation and puzzles. 
• Very clingy at times; if I try to put her down, she wraps her legs around my calves and clings on desperately. She is impossible to put down in moments like these--like, literally impossible. 
• An avid dancer. If she hears music, she dances. If we sing a song, she dances. If I hum while nursing her, she dances. If we say, "Willow, dance!", she dances. She dances in her diaper, she dances on tables, she dances while we're holding her. 
• Likes to spin and walk backwards. 

Emotionally:

• Mostly happy, although she is a growing expert at throwing fits. 
• Fights sleep with an increasingly strong will. This girl has energy to spare, and she desires to prove it. 
• Silly to a fault; loves to play crazy/silly games that make her laugh
• Thinks the world revolves around her; is happiest when she is the center of everyone's attention; most upset when she feels unacknowledged. She has been known to take the iPad out of my hands, set it aside, and sit in my lap--as if to say, "pay attention to me, mom". 
• Obsessed with other babies/toddlers/children. If we are walking and see another small person, she demands to go over and see them. She is not opposed to kissing strangers if they are under thirty pounds. 
• Attached to her white bunny toy. She clutches that thing with a death grip while she sleeps, and likes to stroke her face with it when she's awake. When we get her after naps or in the morning, she is still holding onto her bunny. 

Personality: 

• She is becoming very social. She's not exactly bubbly around large crowds or strangers (or even people she knows), but she isn't scared either. She is not afraid of going up to strangers to have some sort of social interaction. It must be the China in her. 
• Showing signs of bravery already. 
• Though she does not often exhibit fear, and is very social, I think she might be something of an introvert. For months, I've noticed that she is an observer. She likes to take it all in. If you show her how to do something, sometimes she can follow those same steps after observing the action. It's a little shocking! 
• Definitely a daddy's girl---she loves to play with Adam a lot and has a very strong sense of loyalty to him. In fact, if he plays with other kids, she screams in jealous protest. It's ok if he plays with others, as long as he is holding her and including her in the action. 
• Still likes to cuddle at night. She often ends up in our bed for early morning snuggles. She is so sweet and affectionate, lots of kisses in the morning. 

Intellectually: 

• What can I say? I may be 100% biased, but I think she's brilliant. 
• Likes to bring books over to me to read to her. She had a growing attention span for reading books with me and by herself before our vacation. We took a little break from reading everyday while we were in America....so she is sort of rediscovering that activity now. 
• Understands many phrases and words--I love to see her comprehension at work! Some of the words she comprehends (I know she understands based on her reactions and/or obedience): 
• want to go outside? (gets shoes, looks towards the door, or climbs into her stroller) 
• what does a dog/puppy say? (pants like a dog and scrunches up her nose--just learned this during our time at the farm and I think it's priceless)
• bite, eat, drink 
• don't/no/stop  
• want to eat? (if yes, she gets in the nursing position...lol) 
• give it to mommy (sometimes complies) 
• want to read a book? (brings a book over) 
• where is your baby/cat/kitty/bunny? (goes to retrieve said toy) 
• give __________ a kiss/hug (usually follows the direction, especially if it is a toy) 
• clap your hands! 
• clap your feet! 
• clap your baby's feet/hands! 
• comprehends and plays games like 'this little piggy' and 'peekaboo' 
• be nice (stops being rough, and sometimes gives a hug/kiss) 
• come here
• don't eat that/bu neng chi 
• don't open that 
• open/close 
• go get daddy! (this is a great way to pass her on to Adam) 
• I'm going to tickle you!/Tickle daddy! 
• I'm going to get you! (she runs away) 
• do you want some? (the answer is always yes--she loves food) 
• pick it up/go get that 
• mommy help you? 
• mer (mandarin word that means to bow---she bows) 
• zai jian (waves goodbye) 
• bye bye (waves goodbye) 
• So, she is understanding a lot more (the things above are just what I can think of off the top of my head)--but not communicating in words yet. She does express what she wants by grunts/squeals/whines, babbling, and pointing. 
• Above all, she is very focused and busy. She always has something to do, and if she wants to learn how to do something, she will do it. I guess that's the combination of being determined and observant working together. 

Fine Dining: 

• Favorites still include steamed green beans, eggs, and shredded cheese. She has also found that chocolate, iced tea, and cake is good. Uh oh. 
• Ate cake, blueberry coffee cake, ice cream, cheese cake and other yummies for the first time
• Also ate sweet corn for the first time and enjoyed it! 

Spiritually: 

• All I can say is, what a little soul in need of a Redeemer. Already exhibiting signs of the Fall, as she runs away to hide and do her dirty deeds of disobedience. Even today, I heard her run away--when I found her, she had snagged a box of markers and was attempting to draw on herself again. She knows something is 'no'---so she hides. Or, she throws an ugly fit. She's looking for where the boundaries lie, and it's a constant fight to be consistent. That was probably the hardest part of being on vacation in America--with so many loving care givers it's hard to strike a balance. Let's just say, she got away with a lot, and now she's experiencing reality as those boundaries are reinstated. Oof. I need patience, because it's tiring going over "don't open the cabinets" for the millionth time. 
• I see her trying to figure out what we are doing before we eat our meals. Why are we closing our eyes and bowing our heads? Can't wait till she starts to understand. 

Linguistically: 

• Babbles almost incessantly--especially when she is not busy focusing on a task or observing an action. I love her babbling! Lots of different sounds and combination coming forth these days and she experiments with phrasing. 
• Says, 'mama' and 'dada', and maybe something akin to 'baby' (bay-bah) 
• Can scream really, really, really, really loud
• Although I look forward to the day when her jabbering transforms into actual words and phrases, I will miss her little baby voice. It is the sweetest thing to hear, and I get to hear it all day long! :) 

Likes: 

• Sesame Street 
• iPad, touch screen phones, technology, remotes, lap tops 
• Important things such as passports (ah!), money, wallets, credit cards, breakables, and other valuables like jewelry and techy stuff. 
• Dogs and cats, which are probably the same thing in her mind since she does the panting-scrunching-up-her-nose-thing for both of them. 
• Sweets (trying to limit these things, but she is cunning) 
• Attention 

Dislikes: 

• Mashed potatoes 
• Car Seats 
• Being hot 
• Flying 
• Napping 
• Taking baths (not again! grrr...) 

New Adventures: 

• Went to Lincoln Park Zoo 
• Took tractor, four-wheeler, and gator/rhino rides 
• Kissed a dog 
• Experienced a kiddie pool 

Past Times and Entertainment: 

• Making messes
• Being silly 
• Playing outside 
• Going for walks 
• Meeting new people 

Moments: 

• Chasing her shadow when the sun was setting 
• Dancing in the tractor cab during her first ride 
• Yelling as the plane took off, her voice getting louder and higher in pitch as the plane rose in elevation. Too funny! 
• Being obsessed with the dogs! She would make the panting sound the second I took her out of her crib in the morning. She would stand by the sliding door trying to catch a glimpse of them---she was determined! 
• Playing with ice cubes until they melted 
• Chasing a sea gull, relentlessly--and without fear

Schedule (when not impeded by jet lag): 

• 6 or 6:30.......wake-up 
• nurse, change diaper, play 
• eat breakfast of cereal, fruit, and yogurt 
• 9 or 9:30.....morning nap 
• 10:30 or 11....wake-up 
• nurse, change diaper, play 
• play outside, go for a walk, or talk on skype 
• errands or chores with mom 
• eat lunch of left overs or something simple 
• 1:00 or 2:00.....afternoon nap 
• 3:00 or 3:30.....wake up 
• nurse, change diaper, play 
• 6:00....dinner 
• 7:00....bed time (jammies, brush teeth, maybe a bath, and nurse) 

Life Verse: 

"Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of teh Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers."
Psalm 1:1-3

Dear Willow,

 I can't believe that you've been around for one year! You've changed our lives so much, and I'm thankful for that fact every moment of every day. We can't imagine our lives without you anymore, and it's been an incredible privilege to watch you grow and learn. I can't believe how tall you are, how sweet and sensitive you are, and how silly you are becoming. You are a marvelous creation, made in the Image of our Rock and Redeemer. I hope for many blessings in your life and trust Him with all the rest. I pray that you would see Him in us, and that you would turn to Him at a young age. I also hope that you will forgive us when we make mistakes, knowing that we aren't perfect. We love you so much, but please know that there is Someone else who loves you so completely, unconditionally, and perfectly. When others fail you--yes, even your parents--He will not. I pray that you will never wither under trials, but that you will be like a tree planted by waters. Be refreshed.

your loving Momsy and Popsicle.