Camp Kang

One man's junk is another man's treasure. That's the phrase that comes to mind when thinking about my grandfather's property in Wisconsin.

As my grandfather has gotten older, and especially since he relocated to the middle-of-nowhere-Wisconsin, he has collected, hoarded, and created a vast amount of lawn ornaments, figurines, and knick-knacks...enough to open a kitch museum. My mom says that he missed his calling in life and should have pursued modern art. He has a very mechanical mind, and is often putting objects together to make something new. He is very thrifty as well and looks at every day objects with a creativity that others might not understand. He finds new purposes for random things and decorates his home and land with them proudly.

This past weekend, my mom and siblings took Willow and I to my grandparents home for a visit. I hadn't seen my Harmonee and Hadabogee in two years--not since Adam and I were married in 2009. I also hadn't been to their home in over two years. They still hadn't met Willow--and hadn't even seen pictures of her since they don't have the internet. We were only able to spend two days with them, but it was well worth it!

Here are some pictures I took of my grandfather's yard as we were standing outside saying goodbye to Brad and Katrina. Harmonee is also very proud of her husband's creations and wanted to make sure I had pictures of everything. Here are just a few.

Probably hard to tell, but there are maybe at least 100 yard ornaments in Harmonee's front garden.


Bird houses created by my grandfather, hoisted on pipes, decorated with bike tires....garnished with cow statues....


Little wishing well, decorated with random objects. Looks like my grandfather built this wishing well with hand-me-down materials.


Owl, atop a pipe and propane tank. I'm not sure about what that blue platform is...or what that other pole is right next to the owl.


Some kind of bike monument with ducks and bears, this is near the little pond that my grandfather dug by hand several years ago.

These little blue man was something my grandfather liked to make years ago. He made several of them and placed them in his family's yards. He also makes wolf cut-outs too.


Moose cut-out he makes--with a golf ball eye. Next to his five hundred pound concrete lions, and some more bird houses and plastic pigs.


Who says there's no place for pink flamingos in Wisconsin farmland.

You can see a riding lawn mower on a pole and a wishing well. He has several lawn mowers and riding lawn mowers hoisted on some rather tall polls. We're not sure how he accomplished this feat on his own.


There's another lawn mower on a poll! And some other random monuments.

That tall poll next to the drive way is made from salvaged material he picked up along the road--I think it used to be part of telephone polls. The ball at the top of the poll is from a toilet.

Another moose with a golf ball eye. And a wind-mill thing that he made. When the wheel turns, the man cuts wood.

He is a very creative guy with very few inhibitions. He is not shy about expressing himself through strange art--displaying his taste for all to see with a sense of pride. He's a cute guy, barely five feet tall, who is hard of hearing, and represents true traditional Korea to the core.

~julie

Passports are required to leave the country

Mafan. It's the Chinese word for situations that are troublesome, inconvenient, and just frustrating. Part of the cultural transition from the West to the East is the experiencing the mafan that generally transpires. From little instances, to big scenarios, mafan can take you off your feet and leave you with a bad attitude, or it can strengthen your resolve and force you to find contentment.

I don't know why I thought that the cultural mafan wouldn't follow me to the United States. I applied for Willow's passport with each piece of documentation and paperwork in hand. There were no problems at the check-in counter, and I marveled that are situation was so "easy". Everyone else there seemed to have some sob story or crazy crisis that forced them to appear in-person at the passport agency...because, people don't apply for expedited passports just for the heck of it. Usually, people just send their applications through the post office.

I left the passport agency last Wednesday feeling relieved. It seemed that everything had gone well and we would be able to pick up Willow's passport as soon as Friday. While waiting to apply, we witnessed an eye-full of tragic cases and bizarre scenes. One family had been there every day that week trying to get a new passport for their 5 year old son. They had finally been asked to bring the boy's birth certificate from Spain, even though he was a US citizen. When they paid $500 to have it over-nighted to Chicago, the agency said, "this won't due at all--it's in Spanish.". I felt especially bad for this family because they had to produce a death certificate for the mom to prove that this boy had consent from both parents to apply for a passport. Which brings me to my situation.

Adam is already in China. But before he left, he signed and had notarized a document that stated Willow had permission to have a passport. The only problem was that the date Adam put after his name did not match the date that the notary signed. I noticed this as I was putting all the various papers together to bring to the passport agency--but I didn't think anything of it.

On Thursday, we had just started the road trip to visit my grandparents in Wisconsin when we received what the man called a "Courtesy Call". The passport agency rep. was going through Willow's application and noticed this date discrepancy. He said it would be impossible to approve her application and denied Adam's consent form. He said a new one would have to be submitted. This meant that Adam had to get a new form notarized in China--which is just a little difficult when he has to work and when appointments with the consulate have to be made in advance...and especially when we have such limited time remaining. Because we were going to Wisconsin, the soonest I would be able to submit this new form would be Monday--the day I had been planning on picking up Willow's passport and applying for her visa.

Because technology is amazing, I was able to get on skype using Brad's ipad and Tommy's smart phone--while we were driving down the interstate. Adam was just about to leave for school when I told him the news--"You have to fax me a new consent form as soon as possible".

I'm not sure about everything that went down on Adam's side of the world--but he quickly made an appointment and even learned a place with Chinese notaries that would sign the form...but the next bummer was....

They need Willow's birth certificate.

Her birth certificate is at the passport agency in Chicago.

Dum, dum, dum....

Fortunately, I have another official copy. I'm praising him for this provision--because it would have been a whole other hassle if we hadn't paid for two copies a month ago.

Now I'm scanning and emailing Willow's birth certificate to Adam--it's Sunday afternoon. Adam is getting ready to start his first full week of the school year--he's heading out our apartment door on Monday morning, and will print Willow's birth certificate at school so that he can prove that he is her father to the Chinese notary. He'll then fax me the consent form and I'll hopefully be able to bring it to the passport agency on Monday or Tuesday. And what I'm really hoping for is that once they see the consent form--they'll accept it and grant Willow's passport immediately. The rep who called me said that a faxed copy should be sufficient. I hope they hold to that statement.

If not, I'll have to go about applying for Willow's passport a whole new route.

With a new born nursing baby, it's a real hassle going into the city. What should have been two trips to Chicago has turned into 3 or 4 trips. It's hard when Willow has to eat every 2-3 hours. It takes 2 hours just to get down town with all the traffic. Trying to keep a hungry baby from screaming is stressful when you're waiting in a federal office where gypsies scream at the workers that they, "don't have a birth certificate because 99% of gypsies are born at home--do you want proof that I was born? I'll bring my father in and he'll tell ya! I'm gonna punch you in the face!"

Just to get out the door is stressful and a lot of work. I dread these trips down town---so I'm hoping that I don't have to go more than once this week. Maybe I can get her passport, apply/receive her visa and get her birth certificate authenticated all in the same day. That would be the best.

We have five business days left in the US--I hope that everything can be solved by then so that I don't have to reschedule our flight plans. My dad is flying up from Texas to say goodbye to us and to drive my mom, Emma and myself to the airport--if we have to change our flight, it could make getting a ride to O'Hare a little mafan. But more than that, I miss Adam and I want to be together again. Even though traveling sucks and it's great to be in America--I would like to be in Shenyang again.

That's my pity-party for today. I'm hoping that everything works out this week; I would really appreciate it if you would join me in lifting it up to the Father.

Trusting in the Maker of all things through this passport mafan,

~julie

~julie

Before we leave...

1. Take Willow's passport picture

2. Obtain Willow's passport this week

3. Get visas for Willow, Emma, and my Mom

4. Hair cut

5. Grocery shopping

6. Visit my grandparents in Wisconsin
7. Sort out the insurance issues

8. Post-natal appointment

9. Willow's check-up

10. Pack enormous amounts of baby clothes/gear

11. Finish Willow's baby blanket

12. Start Willow's scrap book

13. Finish writing and mail thank you notes

14. Finish reading this year's script

Departing for Shenyang on August 22.
Starting to feel like I'm not teaching 3rd grade after all. I've been removed from the faculty email list. This is for real. I'm a stay at home mom.

~julie

What will I do to stay busy?

Willow Baby

Sunday, Willow attended Lakeland. She slept through the service, which made it much easier for me. She cried the whole way home because she was very hungry. This is Willow's second time to attend a fellowship. Her first time was at Adam's grandparent's fellowship.

Awake time! Willow played for a few hours after her outing to Lakeland. Her awake times are lengthening to 2-3 hours now.

Toys are a new, uncertain facet in Willow's life. She's not to sure about them yet.

Willow's arms are a lot cuter than mine...

Willow! Say, "I'm one month old!"

"Really mom, you're going to blog about this?" Willow is unenthused.

~julie

How to bring a newborn to China.

1. Make sure that your hospital does not apply for your baby's social security card, because this could add 3-5 months to the process.

2. Pick-up your baby's birth certificate as soon as possible and apply for the social security card immediately. Go directly to the social security office and apply in person. Make sure that you bring another document with your baby's name on it and proof that the hospital did not apply for your child's social security number. Apparently, people try to get two social security numbers through this type of fraud and sell one for profit. We didn't know this, but fortunately had a paper from the ER indicating Willow's full name. What a weird formality--especially since all the ER had as confirmation of Willow's name was our word of honor.

3. Wait for your baby's social security card.

4. Make an appointment with the passport agency nearest your vicinity. If you don't have your child's social security card by the time of the appointment, cancel and reschedule.

5. Once you've received the social security card, go to your passport appointment. Bring with you many, many documents. Including: social security card, birth certificate, forms filled out by parents, notorized consent if one parent is absent, flight itinerary proving urgency, copies of parents' identification, passport photos, money....etc....

6. Oh, by the way...get your child's birth certificate certified, notarized, and authenticated....just in case, because this is what China wants.

7. Wait for your baby's US passport to be expedited.

8. Go to the Chinese consulate to apply for a tourist visa for you baby so that your baby can enter the country of China.

9. Pay for the visa. Wait for the visa.

Yay! Now you can bring your child to China! Oooh, you'll also need to call the airline company to make sure that you have a bassinet for you baby to travel in. And, you'll need to be 10% of the economy ticket so that your baby can board the plane with you and sit on your lap.

Don't forget to pack plenty of diapers, wipes, and extra clothes for both you and your baby so that you'll be plenty prepared for the 30+ hours of transit.

~julie

1 Month

Last picture before Adam left for the airport.



It's hard to believe that Willow has been with us for one month. She is growing so much, literally. I'm guessing that when we go in for her one month check-up in a few days she will be over ten pounds. She loves to eat! During the night, she usually wants to eat every 3-4 hours, but during the day time she still wants to nurse every 1-2 hours. Last night she had a long screaming fit--we think she was probably gassy. I've had a lot of help this summer, and my mom took the screaming Willow so that I could sleep. The past few days have been very different for me because Adam returned to Shenyang and my dad moved to Austin. These two guys were my biggest helps during Willow's first month and so now I live in my pajamas and am lucky to get a shower during one of Willow's short naps.

Willow is less and less like a newborn baby with each passing day. She is awake a lot more often, screams a lot louder, eats a lot more, and takes shorter more infrequent naps. I guess things will continue in this direction for a while. She is a chubby little baby and I love her little face. Today she was smiling a lot. She continues to grunt nearly incessantly, reaches for toys, and makes lots of faces. She is trying so hard to roll over from her back to her stomach, but she can't quite manage it yet. She turns most of her body but just can't figure out how to maneuver her arms. She tries to suck her thumb, but just gets mad in the process. She has a love/hate relationship with her nuk. She'll suck on her pacifier happily for hours, but hates the first minute when she has to accept it.

Right now she's sleeping on her Uncle Tom's chest. He has been holding her for an hour and a half so that I could eat lunch and take a break. There are so many other things that I should be doing right now, like making her passport appointment, finishing writing thank you cards, or folding/packing Willow's piles of clean laundry....

Yesterday, two pieces of mail came for me. One envelope contained Willow's long awaited Social Security card! What an answer to prayer! This process can take as long as 3-5 months on average. The other letter was the bill for Adam's knee surgery. It was more than $43,000.00! This is for the hospital alone. We also have a bill for the surgeon that's probably around $13,000.00 (if the insurance agent is correct). Now there's this mix up between the insurance company and the hospital. The hospital wants us to pay almost six times what the insurance company says we have to pay. They are disagreeing about how much the surgery was, how much was waived, how much the insurance company paid for, and how much remaining balance we have to cover. It's a mess, and will probably result in us applying for charity, since we qualify as below poverty level income. Ugh. This is when I wish that Adam had not left on Wednesday so that he could help take care of this!

While Adam is in Shenyang, getting his classroom ready, unpacking his suitcases, and surviving the summer heat without AC, I'm getting used to the idea that I no longer have a classroom or students to prepare for. I have been reading a few scripts. I think that I have finally found the script that we will use for the SYIS spring play. I haven't gotten a chance to read it cover to cover, but the reading/skimming that I've managed to complete so far have been very satisfying. Now my mind is racing thinking of costume ideas and how the stage should be set up and what kind of extensions we'll need...

My dad has moved to Austin, TX to continue his architecture career in a place that is not economically dry like Lake County, Illinois. It is very different with him not here, and although he's only been gone for 5 days, we miss him a lot!

Hopefully, Adam will wake up soon on account of jet lag and we will be able to skype. I miss him a lot too! Well, that's all for my update on Willow and life in general.

~julie

Birth Story: Part 2

Now, nearly three weeks after she was born, it is difficult for me to remember the events and emotions linked to Willow's birth. It just seems like a dream in slow-motion that had a lot of after effects and recovery involved.

After the doctor and nurses plopped Willow's purple-y, slimy body on my chest and I had my thought about how small she was--I just stared at her in amazement. How could this little person be my daughter? I studied her screaming face curiously. And then she was whisked away to be cleaned up and checked.

Backing up a step or two, I remember when Willow first emerged into the world and the doctor announced that she WAS a girl, I felt a little burst of relief. Now I wouldn't have to return all the cute girly things given to us.

While Willow was being cleaned, checked, and dressed--I was also being fixed up. Apparently, I had torn and so my OB started stitching the tear. I was in such a daze after all the adrenaline of having a baby--so I don't really remember the next few hours very well, but I think my doctor finished fixing the tear, Adam ordered dinner, Willow was handed back to me to start nursing, and all those nurses left. Willow had passed her Apgar test with flying colors, but was not very coordinated when it came to nursing. The amazing nurse that had been with us throughout the whole active labor/delivery experience (Shannon) encouraged me through Willow's clumsiness. Ok, this might be too much information for a blog, but the hardest part about the initial recovery was trying to use the restroom for the first time. My bladder felt painfully full, but I couldn't 'remember' how to relieve that discomfort. It took an hour, and it was surprisingly an extremely discouraging experience. Once again, Shannon was helping and encouraging me through this trial too. Ugh.

Within a few hours, we were moved into a different room and I got to eat for the first time in 30 hours. It was already after 9pm, and we were tired. God was thinking when he designed newborns to sleep so much in their first 24 hours. We couldn't decide what we wanted more--sleep, or to just look at Willow and hold her warm little body.

Little Willow with her squished-up post delivery face. Such a sweetie!

Overall, it was an amazing experience, and the hospital did a great job of taking care of all of us. I'm thankful that we were able to go through this whole ordeal in America.

~julie

Willow Rose

Willow is 16 days old today. She's already changed so much, but it's hard to believe that we didn't know her little face 17 days ago. At her 2 week check-up, we learned that she had passed up her birth weight and gained one pound since her 1 week check-up. She's definitely filling-out and getting rolls around her arms and legs. Not to mention her chin; it's definitely a double chin!

She's very alert and loves to hold her head up on her own for as long as possible. She follows people with her eyes if they're 1-2 feet away from her, and likes to look at lights (ouch!). She is beginning to have longer awake times throughout the day and sleeps 3-4 hours at a time during the night. Although, last night she slept for 6 hours straight and I woke up in a panic at 7am.

Willow makes plethora of interesting faces. She's been smiling since she was born, but is learning to smile more and more on cue. She is very strong and tries to scoot and roll around as much as she can (which isn't very much, but still impressive at her age). She likes to be walked around and prefers to be held as much as possible, which can be exhausting (so we are thankful for all the family and friends around who are happy to hold Willow!).

Her number one desire is milk. She likes to eat all the time. She is a frantic, voracious eater and often chokes and gags while trying to eat. Willow needs to learn how to slow down! When she is sleeping and starting to feel hungry, she starts to grunt. Most of the time I think her grunting is hilarious, but sometimes it is exhausting to listen to (like in the middle of the night).

Overall, Willow is doing very well learning, growing, and staying healthy. Adam and I love her so much and can hardly believe that we get to take care of such a cute girl! She is an incredible blessing that we get to take care of day and night and love more and more every minute.

~julie

Little Raspberry Rumble

Willow Rose Johnson is one week old today. We love her so much! I can hardly believe that she was still in utero last week--she seems so big and grown up lately.

If you want to be spared the details, you should skip reading this post. Here's a little anecdote of how Willow came into the world on July 8 at 4:11 pm.

[BIRTH STORY]

It all started on Tuesday (July 5). I was frustrated that my body wasn't doing anything to get Willow out. I had been drinking raspberry tea, taking walks, etc., to encourage her arrival. On Tuesday, I set about trying to finish a to-do list. Somewhere in that process, I started organizing my mom's laundry room. I spent four hours working up a nasty sweat, and was out of breath by the time the room was in order. I also started to feel some contractions and I started praying that they would stick around and not stop.

I started feeling regular contractions. They had a definite time pattern, but were not growing in intensity or frequency. They were anywhere from 5-8 minutes apart and did not subside. Adam and I went out for dinner with friends from Moody. We hadn't seen many of these people in two years, and it was fun to be in the windy city again. We ate at Giordano's--and while I was melting in the mid-summer heat, I was hoping that the pizza would somehow magically kick those contractions into high gear.

Well. The pizza failed.

So did my attempt at sleeping that night. I felt extremely uncomfortable. Between the usual pregnancy discomforts, plus the added pain from Willow dropping, and the regularly spaced contractions--it was near impossible to sleep on Tuesday night. I did get a few hours, and was thankful for that. The whole night, I was praying that Wednesday would be the day.

Wednesday came and went with no additional progress. I kept praying and praying that Willow would be born on Wednesday, and if not, that my prenatal check-up on Thursday would at least show that my body had made progress. I couldn't bear the thought that all these contractions might be for nothing. The week before, I was only dilated at 1 centimeter and baby Willow seemed very comfortable in her womb-home.

Wednesday night was even worse for sleeping. I just felt uncomfortable and frustrated with my contractions. On one hand, I was thankful for the contractions--but on the other hand, I just wanted to sleep.

Thursday. I went to the doctor's office for my appointment and my OB did a membrane sweep. She said, "hopefully this will get things going and you'll be calling me tonight". She also said that if I wanted to, I could go straight to the hospital to be induced, or set up a 6am appointment for the next morning to be put on pitocin.

If I had the luxury of time, I would feel less anxious about being overdue. Actually, my due date wasn't until July 10, so technically I wasn't overdue. But always my mind was thinking about the paperwork that needs to be done in order for Willow to go to China with us. All these documents are extremely time sensitive and take a while: birth certificate; social security card; passport; visa....

When given the option to have Willow early--even if just by a few days--my heart skipped a little beat. I told my OB that I wanted to think about it. She said that I had until that afternoon to decide whether or not I wanted to be induced in the morning. During the appointment, she told me that I was at 2 centimeters and 70% effaced--so there was little risk to being induced. And at least the pitocin would help the contractions to become more regular and effective.

On the car ride home, my contractions were beginning to become more regular and painful. I had only been home for a few hours when I decided that I did want to schedule an appointment at the hospital for the next morning--I wanted this baby out! By Thursday evening, I was feeling the contractions even more. I didn't eat supper, but did snag a bowl of raspberry rumble ice cream. It's basically vanilla ice cream with raspberry syrup and chocolate truffles. Yum. I tried to watch, "Taken" with Adam, while I kept track of my contractions on our iPad. I thought, "if I can make until 6am, then it will work out perfectly with my appointment at the hospital".

By 10pm, I was writhing in pain and shaking uncontrollably. Adam decided, after performing a quick google search about stages of labor, that we should go to the hospital. My contractions had been 2-3 minutes apart for at least 2 hours and I could hardly stand the pain.

Well, I'm a pansy.

We got to the hospital and discovered while in the triage room that I was only 3 centimeters dilated. I was a little upset. The hospital contacted my doctor, and they decided that we should just stay the night.

All night, Adam and I were up, trying to get through each contraction. At any point, I could have asked to be put on the pitocin or given an epidural, but I wanted to see how long I could go. By 8am, I was struggling. I was in active labor, but was so exhausted from lack of sleep that I was falling asleep between each contraction while sitting on one of those exercise balls. I was weak and tired and the only thing I could think of was, "I wont be able to push this baby out--and then they'll have to perform a c-section". I knew that I had to be put on pitocin, because the baby would never arrive at this rate. And I wasn't sure I would be able to endure the pitocin without drugs....so I caved. "Exhaustion" had been the one exception to my "natural child birth/no drugs" plan. At 6 centimeters, I just couldn't do it anymore.

They hooked me up to machines, gave me the amazing epidural---and then I slept. Somehow, I was able to hold still enough (from all the shaking) while the anesthesiologist did his magic. For 4 glorious hours--no nurses bothered me and I was able to rest.

When I woke up, I had an amazingly strong urge to push. Epidural are amazing. While I slept, I reached 10 centimeters and the baby had started to push her way down. I tried to breathe through and resist the urge to push as much as possible--since it was just Adam and I in the hospital room. Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore and so Adam called my nurse. She was quick in coming, thankfully, and helped me to get started. She called my doctor, who was at the hospital but in a meeting. My doctor said she'd be there in 15 minutes. I couldn't wait that long, and the nurse didn't want to make me. So, she told me to start pushing--she was on my right side and Adam was on my left side. There were no other nurses and my doctor was still unavailable. My nurse was calling everyone else, trying to get more help in the room, but everyone was busy. There were about four other babies being born at the moment.

I could have panicked, but by God's grace, I was able to focus on what my body was telling me to do and on trying to push that baby out!

30 minutes later, my doctor showed up. She took one look at me, and squealed, "Give me one minute to change!" She was in her scrubs lickety-split.

10 minutes later, the room was filled with nurses and Willow was flying out of my body. Relief.

It's a girl! Yay--no more guessing or speculating on the gender of our baby. She is definitely a girl after all. Thank you very much, China.

They plopped Willow's slippery purple body on my chest and all I could think was, "She's so small!" I think that I had imagined Willow being a 10 pound monstrosity--because that's what it felt like when I was walking around.

_____________

Okay, taking a little intermission from this story. We've been without power since Monday morning (it's Friday night)--and it finally just turned on again! I need to feed Willow, so this will be have to be continued later.

~julie

39 Weeks

While in China, I feel like I am writing to all my American friends and family. Now that we're in America, I feel as though my audience comprises of my China-community. It's weird to live on the flip-side of things.

If you want to be technical, I will be 39 weeks pregnant in just a few minutes. I'm not sure how exact a "due date" can be, but it feels strange to be so much closer to having our baby. In some ways this pregnancy has felt eternally long. When I think about it, it's encompassed most of the school year and most of the summer. Being pregnant for nearly 10 lunar months....oi.

The word of the month for me is, "uncomfortable". I'm so uncomfortable. Here is my uncomfortable list. It might sound like complaints, but I'm trying very hard to be content with all these symptoms because it is worth it. Whatever it takes for this baby to have a good start to life.

1. I can't breathe. It feels like I'm suffocating--even though the baby has dropped significantly, there's still not much room for my lungs. It's how I imagine breathing with only one lung must be--or with punctured lungs.

2. Heartburn is always just around the corner. Sometimes, it's not a problem at all. While at other times, if I just put my flip flops on I'm all of the sudden attacked by acid all the way up to my throat.

3. Water retention. It makes me feel and look very swollen. I can't wear my rings anymore because my fingers have exploded at least 2 sizes. Flip flops are the only comfy option, so I'm thankful that it's summer time.

4. Constant soreness. When picking up one's foot six inches becomes them most painful part of your day, you know you're sore. When you realize how often you have to pick up your foot six inches, you start to wonder if you will ever be able to get into a car, put on your pants, or walk up the steps again without wincing.

5. Fat-whale-syndrome. My wardrobe options are pretty slim these days. I can't wait until I can wear something other than the four shirts that still fit me...sort of...

6. Inability to sleep. There is no longer a comfortable sleeping position.

7. Always thirsty. I wish that I could walk around with an IV so that I wouldn't have to feel dehydrated all the time.

8. Always tired. So. Lame.

9. Always so hot and sweaty. I used to feel cold most of the time, so it's hard to get used to being so hot no matter what temperature it is. I think the ideal temperature is 40 degrees. Just put me in a freezer.

Ok....There's my list of how I feel. Which brings me to my next soap box.

I'm beginning to get tired of all the questions that people ask. It doesn't matter if it's family, friends, or complete strangers--the questions are always the same:

1. How do you feel?
2. When are you due?
3. Do you know if it is a boy or a girl?

How do I feel? Well, that's a 10 point sermon.
When am I due? Ugh. I don't even feel like typing it.
No, I don't know know if it's a boy or a girl, but we think the baby is a girl.....Which invariably is answered with, "Well, all that matters is that the baby is healthy. You'll be happy with a boy or a girl".

True.
Gender isn't a huge issue. The only thing inconvenient about having a boy is that we don't have any boy things at this moment, and gender neutral isn't really existent anymore. But even shopping for boy things after the baby is born--if the baby is a boy--wouldn't be that bad.

But what really annoys me is the part about, "all that matters is that the baby is healthy"....So, what if the baby is NOT healthy. What if the baby has to spend extra time in the hospital for special care. What if the baby is born with a health issue that we do not know about at this time? What if the baby is blind or deaf? What if the baby doesn't develop or learn 'normally'? What if the baby isn't healthy? Then, will I not be happy? Will I not be overjoyed to meet our baby? Will I not love this baby unconditionally?

I know that I'm over analyzing this sentence--but when you hear it almost everyday (and sometimes 10 or more times in day), it causes you to think. It doesn't matter if the baby is a boy or a girl. Likewise, it doesn't matter if this baby is healthy or not healthy. This baby is a human being who will be loved regardless of how God has fashioned her (or maybe...him). Of course, I hope and pray that my baby is healthy. I hope that the baby will come into the world as safely as possible. I hope that there will be no complications. I pray and pray that the baby will develop and grow and learn right on track. But I know that a lot of this is out of my control and that really what I need to be doing is trusting God to take care of our family no matter what the situation is.

All that really matters is that we are living in accordance to God's plan and trusting in His provision. My to-do lists, my anxieties, my qualms with people's statements, my physical discomforts---these are nothing.

My top three things to do this week is to find contentment in my discomfort, to find patience with the world at large, and to trust in God's timing for our baby's arrival.

~julie