The Oxen are Dying!!!!

Yes.

They are dying.

It's that point where the play basically consumes my brain. All I can think about is everything that needs to be done. I write lots of lists. I freak out because everything on the list can only be accomplished while at school. But I'm only at school when I'm directing rehearsals. So how are these tasks to be accomplished in time?

The oxen are dying!!!--we have to throw out the piano, the books, the fashionable dresses. There's only space for the dried pork and cornmeal. We'll have to keep the seeds for spring planting next year, but please, please, please, throw out the hat boxes and the parasols.

I have to settle something with myself. This play might not meet my highest hopes. It might surpass my expectations, but it might not be as grand as I dream.

There's problems. Like how to get the wrinkles out of the backdrop? How to block the backstage on stage right--because it's so visible to everyone on house right.

Why oh why couldn't I find top hats?

Will the last set wall be painted in time?

We need more make-up help!

Ticket sales....grrr.....need to sell more.

More and more, I feel like this might be my last play to direct. Who knows what the future holds, but doing this as a sole director is just too difficult for me. I don't like my 'job' to get in the way of my current role as a mom. It stresses me out to feel conflict of priorities. I spend so much time on the play that I miss out on Willow. And even though I need to work on the play now, I wonder if I will regret it someday.

Anyway, if I ever make it to Oregon---it will be interesting. There are still some rivers to ford, and some cholera to overcome. Might even get bit by a snake along the way. Just trying to keep the oxen alive.